My Version of an SNL skit.... No it's not Coffee Talk, thanks for asking

Inspired by the awesome “Really?!” with Seth Meyers from SNL, I will periodically be doing “For Serious?!” with Lindsay. Some may call it a rip-off, some may call it intellectual property infringement, but I call it “genius”.

· The Post published a cartoon of two cops shooting a monkey and saying “Now who is going to write the stimulus bill?” or something like that. For serious? Post editor, what the hell is going on in your brain? Even if this isn’t supposed to be racist, couldn’t you just err on the side of caution and have the cartoonist change the monkey to a bunny, or a horse, or a walking coffee mug? Anything besides a primate, dude! Sidenote, I am now nervous for the next Madoff spoof: if they keep this editor, they could have a horned devil-beast or a vampire bat wearing a yarmulke representing the guy. Ah, symbolism.

· Chris Brown says in his apology to Rihanna that he is seeking the counsel of God and his Mom. For serious? Chris, you need to deal with a trained professional – preferably one who has a boxing ring and a kangaroo wearing armor to help you “work out your issues”. I'm rooting for the kangaroo.

· The signs on the subway that applaud the MTA for the 2^nd Avenue subway opening in… wait… 2015. For serious?! You are already soliciting New Yorkers for praise because of a new subway coming in 6 years? Wow MTA, you have some serious cajones on you. Because when I am being sandwiched between a little Asian man with long nails and a bag of strange smelling groceries and a large white woman with black lip liner, huge hoop earrings poking me in the eye, and a booming iPod at 9am, I'm not really in the mood to be you know, “congratulating” you guys on your amazing foresight. Oh ONE train for the whole East side wasn’t enough? Wow who would have known! You guys better get on that… in 15 years! Yay!

· Jessica Simpson says she is a difficult girlfriend to have because, among other things, she “toots under the sheets.” For serious, Jessica? You’re going through a huge scandal right now, one essentially revolving around whether or not you are still attractive. Why the hell are you talking about your gas-related issues? Jess, you need to get guys to want to bang you again if you want anyone to go to your shows, because guess what, your singing probably isn’t what people see you for. Let’s stop talking about flatulence, and start discussing your love of things men like. A quick list of suggestions:

• Hot chicks
  
•  Hoagies
  
•  Tequila shots
  
•  Anything involving a sports ring and/or nonsense violence
  
•  The new 90210
  

I mean Jess, ANYTHING is better than your gas! Except discussing how you like to wear skorts to perform. Wait you talked about that too? You should go see about whether next month’s International Cheese Fest has booked entertainment…

-Lindsay